"love is… being comfortable enough to be an idiot and know that they’re not gonna think i’m weird or judge me, and knowing that i’ll always have their support no matter what. love is… waking up and going to bed thinking of that person and smiling…" he answered. he went on and i couldn’t meet his eyes, terrified at the thought that he was describing generalities, that i was just being vain and he wasn’t actually talking about me.
but then he turned the question around on me, and i came to this conclusion:
love is a decision. love is a decision that you make when you wake up in the morning, when times are getting kind of rough, when you’re scared and you’re not sure where things are going. it’s a decision that says “i—we are in this. and we’re going to make it work, because it’s worth it.”
that was when everything started to fall into place.
and i asked him, teasing but nervous “so does that mean you love me, then?” he joked with me then, stalling for a minute until i started to burrow into his shoulder and he could see that i was starting to lose it. then he pulled me in close, bent his head closer to mine and whispered into the space between us.
"i love you."
and for a breathless moment, i just looked at him, and i was still nervous. still scared. i spoke slowly, carefully, “… i… don’t know if i’m 100% there yet, ‘cause i’m still…” and i just trailed off for a second, not completing that thought in the slightest. then everything really clicked, and i realized i’d been letting the usual baggage of fear hold me back even from this, and it wouldn’t be fair to him to assume that he’s just like any of the other people i’ve dealt with in the past.
"oh, who am i kidding?" i sighed, shaking my head. "i love you."
and we’re both still smiling.